Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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