Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
