Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize