Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm passing your future prison.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
