Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
