He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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