i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
