ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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