Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
