I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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