omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
