It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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