My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
