Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
