Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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