im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
