I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I checked into jail on foursquare
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
