College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
