Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
40s are totally the cure
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
