it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
