i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
