we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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