I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
