I hope mine doesn't look like that
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
