So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
