Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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