Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
