If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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