i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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