I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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