Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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