I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
