the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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