soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
