It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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