38 yer olds are good kisserssss
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
