When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
