You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
