I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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