I am puke
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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