Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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