cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
