Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
