how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
