just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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