he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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