so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
