how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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