well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
