I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
