i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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