its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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