look no pants
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
