3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
