She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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