An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
