I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
