Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
