i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
