So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
