It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
