First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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